The Authenticity of Thought

Full disclosure: I have no idea how this post is going to go, i just really need to vent.

Every human being is capable of thought.
I don’t know about babies but the instance a child absorbs his first piece of information, his mind is immediately racing with various ways to process and adapt this new piece of information.

And as he/she grows up and he/she begins to absorb new stuff, the mind gets bigger and the thoughts get more rampant.

My question is this:
When is thought original?

You see, as you grow older you become more proficient in thinking and you learn to reprocess things based on new information and self intuition.
This leads to many things, mostly good but sometimes bad.

How do we know when your first thought is the right thought ?
When do we stop the constant cycle of thinking and settle on an answer ?
When do we know it is time to move on instead of pulling out a positive from every bleak situation?

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Lol love.

The time is 4am.

And i’m in Calabasas

Well not really actually.

I am in Magodo.

But I’m listening to Drake and it’s 4pm in Calabasas so it’s only fair i go where my favorite goes.


I used to be the poster boy for love.

If you probably checked out the Love idiot hall of fame, you’d see my name boldly written there under fellow fools like Romeo and Leonardo Di Caprio’s character in Titanic.

Atleast that was if you checked in 2015.

In 2017, i’m not sure what i think about love.

Actually i am sure but i don’t know how to say it without sounding like a bitter old hag (shout out to bitter old hags worldwide)

But here goes

i think love is a great concept.

I mean the founding idea behind the principle is amazing and the UI is one of the best ever known to man.

But the UX?

FAIL!

You see somehow i have managed to find out (Or convince myself) that love is fictitious, like nirvana or the holy Grail.

And only those who stan hard enough or stay off social media have a shot at finding it.

Or that was what i thought as at last week.


I came back home pretty early on Monday.

My brother opened the gate for me and he was preoccupied with the person he was talking to on the phone.

I knew he had someone in his life but i was pretty certain it was going to be like all the other someone’s that had occupied his life at a particular point.

But here i was at 6pm (ish) talking to a brother who was not listening to me and was trying to cut short my big brother yarns so he could continue talking with the LOHL (Version 6)

I proceeded to my office at home and i started to work till now(4AM)(Actually i stopped by 1AM)

Then i went to bed and i walked him to overhear this same guy talking to this same girl.

Apparently they had been talking since then. (Roughly 7 HOURSSSS)

Now that was not what fazed me.

What fazed me about it all was the fact that that day was not an anomaly.

Since then they have strategically repeated that occurence everyday this week and today he went to see her at her place.

Coming back home around 8pm, he was still on the phone with her again.

Now at this point i’m stumped.

The longest i talk on the phone is with Oyinkansola and even then we barely make it to 30 minutes without me feeling like i’m uttering hot *shit*


I think my brother just saved me.

But the problem is i don’t know where to start fixing the *mess* from

I have lost so much hope in the phenomenom called love that my go to line now is i am not ready for a relationship.

I’ve repeated that line so much even my mum has heard it and knows it to be my new mantra.

lmao, it’s paining her a bit sha cuz she’s been on my case for a minute now asking me to bring home my girl friend.

That’s after painting girls are evil and vile creatures whose only aim in life is to take your money and do twitter thread on you when the deed is done.


Smh.

i gotta sleep now.

Oh and i’m trying to write more.

I think my writing is linked to me falling in love so anyone who likes my writing enough to make me fall in love with them should please hit me up.

Vodka is on me. 🙂

Thoughts

I should be at a wedding by now.

Infact i  imagine this is the time my *inner olosho* would have started to flirt with everything that walks on two legs and has even a modicum of breasticles.

But i am home, in bed.

Drowning in thoughts that never cease to stop coming at me.

Actually that is all i do with my weekends at this point. I wallow in thoughts that never cease to stop coming all through the weekend and on weekdays and pray for the weekend to get here so i can swear to not do it again but then do it again.

At this point in my life, i cannot be sure what is wrong with me. I do not think anything is but it feels like it.

There’s so much on my mind but no one to talk to. Show this to the right set of people and they’ll swear i had this coming since the day i picked up my scissors nature.

But that’s not it.

You see i have really high empathy levels (I don’t think that makes any sense but that is the best way my muddled mind can put it so yeah). And it feels like the only one who gets me right now is me.

But what do you get when you are the one with the issues and you are the only one who gets you. You are put into a constant state of emotional distress.

You get distracted, disillusioned, upset and the list goes on and on and on.

I used to think it was money, i swore that money could solve it all and make it all go away. But i am making more than i should be making and it doesn’t seem to matter. My life at this point revolves around daily taxify trips to work, lunches at work and taxify trips back home.

Then on weekends i lay in bed and just soliloquize all day.

Rugba if you see this, i am sorry.

I wish your brother all the happiness in the world. And if he’s anything like you i’m sure he deserves it.

There’s still so much to say.

I just don’t know how to say it.

 

~fin

amare.

for angel

 

the watcher on my wall.

The balm for my sore

The best outta the rest

The sanity to my insanity

The calm in the storm

The angel that sits on my shoulder

My hallelujah cry

She is T, my favorite alphabet

She is also Tee, I prefer her hot please

For aya, aya wa, iyawo wa

The bestfriend to the best friend

The better half of the better half.

 

With you I am secure

Fort amare reporting for duty

You were my conscience, carrying on my problems with the grace of a thousand angels

You made a believer out of me again.

I believed in love

In others

In God

And most importantly myself.

 

You healed me

Led me to redemption

I was happy

I was filled with joy

And my wings were full again

 

But then it set in

The destroyer

My insecurities

I thought I was losing you

 

I did lose you.

And myself

And all hopes for redemption

 

Now i watch you from a distance

Using our old chats and conversations to guide my way

Hoping someday i can find my way back to you.

back to redemption

Star crossed Lover

She always came when I least expected. Like the rapture, Morenike caught me at my worst and always brought out the best in me

Ours was an odd one

Our relationship stemmed out from the unlikeliest source and it grew to be strong enough to withstand the storms of life 

But Morenike had no anchor. 

She was like the sheet of paper you keep on your table without putting weight on it. 

Free spirited and easily moved by the slightest force

And because of this, most of the time we spent together was actually me chasing after a love I was desperate to hold on to. 

I was desperate to keep the feeling that her unexpected Hello’s brought. 

I wanted to keep the having the feeling that her unexpected gap tooth selfies have on me

But these things are easier said than done

Actions speak loudly, I can’t hear your words. 

And at the end of the day, 

When it’s just myself and Najee 

When the chips are down and I need to retreat to my place of solace

These are the times I soliloquize about the moments we spent together. 

These are the moments where the howling of the wind provides a beat for the soulful tune my aching heart is churning out. 

The nights where my loneliness takes form and becomes a tiny dancer that sways to the tune being belted out by my aching heart 

These are the nights I curse the day I met Mo. 

These are the moments where I stop reciting the silent prayers that have kept us together this far. 

And sometimes I just find myself hoping I fall out of love with the woman who once set my heart on fire. 
But ironically those are the times where I learnt to cherish what I had. 

” a bird in hand is worth two in the bush”

You see, Mo and I had something 

Something radical and explosive that made us simultaneously combust as soon as we came within 10 feet of each other

We had an understanding that made served as the basic understanding for the monument which was our relationship

And that was why despite it all,

Despite all the fighting and the drifting apart 

There was an intricate and unexplainable bond that threatened to make us the new age Romeo and Juliet. 
Except now we don’t die 

Now we live forever 

Our story serving as the guiding light for those who come after us for generations to come. 
—–

fin. 

Daemonia Part I


Everyone knows that the first thing to do when playing a game is to run through the tutorial
Familiarize yourself with game play, the bad guys, the allies, the cheat codes and all
Now in the midst of this process, there is always someone who always skips the tutorials and somehow crushes the game.
I am talking pick up the pad one time and beat all existing high scores.
Those are the players.
And at the other end of that scale, there are the people that never learn the game.
No matter how many times they play the tutorial, they cannot seem too excel at the game. The game always crushes them and leaves them gasping for air.
These are the good guys.

While every other person falls within the spectrum.
Some learn with the tutorial whilst others just make get better over time.
But eventually they are better off than the good guys.

Now back to our two main classes of people
The good guys never get better.
Just when they think they are getting a hold on the system, due to the actions of the players the game is modified and new rules are put in place.
They strive some more and as they are about to grasp the system and get unto the score board the game is modified.

Now this goes on till the good guys lose all interest in the game.
The good guys stay up at 1am because all they want is to get a high score they will be so proud of.
But these players would not let them.

All I want is to love someone.
Cherish them.
And tell them they have amazing brows.

Not listening to a playlist that prevents rents my focus into several pieces
#NoToPlayers #GoodGuysDeserveLoveToo

Throwback post

When i wrote this, several people did not understand it. I have tried to re write it several times but i keep on messing up the dynamic so i decided to upload it anyway. If you do NOT understand the post, please leave a comment below. Thank you!


And the world stood still

Not because she wore bum shorts

Or had contacts that made her eyes pop

Not because her Dr. 90210 breasts were on display for the world to see



And her continent stood still

Because she brought pride to them

And the dreams and wishes of generations that went long before her finally came to pass

Because she became a symbol

A beacon to the little ones who had a long way to go

And to her peers who had become a slave to the system



And the Country stood still

Not because she smoked weed

Or jumped fence to go and see oga

Not because she lived a dual life just because of society

Or had 10 boyfriends to live a life that wasn’t truly hers



And her family stood still

Because she was the one who broke the deadlock

And she made her mother cry because she knows that she didn’t labour in vain

Because her dad knows that calling her Nwanyi Oma wasn’t just a name that came off his head

And her brother now knows that he too can fly



And my heart stood still

Not because she was dressed in the finest garments

But because her mind was pure and kind

And her smile was worth a million times whatever dowry I paid

Because it was at peace

My heart stood still

Because she finally made me feel complete.

My heart stood still



And she stood still

Because she knew she made her parents proud

Because she had found her king

……………