Thoughts

I should be at a wedding by now.

Infact i  imagine this is the time my *inner olosho* would have started to flirt with everything that walks on two legs and has even a modicum of breasticles.

But i am home, in bed.

Drowning in thoughts that never cease to stop coming at me.

Actually that is all i do with my weekends at this point. I wallow in thoughts that never cease to stop coming all through the weekend and on weekdays and pray for the weekend to get here so i can swear to not do it again but then do it again.

At this point in my life, i cannot be sure what is wrong with me. I do not think anything is but it feels like it.

There’s so much on my mind but no one to talk to. Show this to the right set of people and they’ll swear i had this coming since the day i picked up my scissors nature.

But that’s not it.

You see i have really high empathy levels (I don’t think that makes any sense but that is the best way my muddled mind can put it so yeah). And it feels like the only one who gets me right now is me.

But what do you get when you are the one with the issues and you are the only one who gets you. You are put into a constant state of emotional distress.

You get distracted, disillusioned, upset and the list goes on and on and on.

I used to think it was money, i swore that money could solve it all and make it all go away. But i am making more than i should be making and it doesn’t seem to matter. My life at this point revolves around daily taxify trips to work, lunches at work and taxify trips back home.

Then on weekends i lay in bed and just soliloquize all day.

Rugba if you see this, i am sorry.

I wish your brother all the happiness in the world. And if he’s anything like you i’m sure he deserves it.

There’s still so much to say.

I just don’t know how to say it.

 

~fin

amare.

for angel

 

the watcher on my wall.

The balm for my sore

The best outta the rest

The sanity to my insanity

The calm in the storm

The angel that sits on my shoulder

My hallelujah cry

She is T, my favorite alphabet

She is also Tee, I prefer her hot please

For aya, aya wa, iyawo wa

The bestfriend to the best friend

The better half of the better half.

 

With you I am secure

Fort amare reporting for duty

You were my conscience, carrying on my problems with the grace of a thousand angels

You made a believer out of me again.

I believed in love

In others

In God

And most importantly myself.

 

You healed me

Led me to redemption

I was happy

I was filled with joy

And my wings were full again

 

But then it set in

The destroyer

My insecurities

I thought I was losing you

 

I did lose you.

And myself

And all hopes for redemption

 

Now i watch you from a distance

Using our old chats and conversations to guide my way

Hoping someday i can find my way back to you.

back to redemption

Star crossed Lover

She always came when I least expected. Like the rapture, Morenike caught me at my worst and always brought out the best in me

Ours was an odd one

Our relationship stemmed out from the unlikeliest source and it grew to be strong enough to withstand the storms of life 

But Morenike had no anchor. 

She was like the sheet of paper you keep on your table without putting weight on it. 

Free spirited and easily moved by the slightest force

And because of this, most of the time we spent together was actually me chasing after a love I was desperate to hold on to. 

I was desperate to keep the feeling that her unexpected Hello’s brought. 

I wanted to keep the having the feeling that her unexpected gap tooth selfies have on me

But these things are easier said than done

Actions speak loudly, I can’t hear your words. 

And at the end of the day, 

When it’s just myself and Najee 

When the chips are down and I need to retreat to my place of solace

These are the times I soliloquize about the moments we spent together. 

These are the moments where the howling of the wind provides a beat for the soulful tune my aching heart is churning out. 

The nights where my loneliness takes form and becomes a tiny dancer that sways to the tune being belted out by my aching heart 

These are the nights I curse the day I met Mo. 

These are the moments where I stop reciting the silent prayers that have kept us together this far. 

And sometimes I just find myself hoping I fall out of love with the woman who once set my heart on fire. 
But ironically those are the times where I learnt to cherish what I had. 

” a bird in hand is worth two in the bush”

You see, Mo and I had something 

Something radical and explosive that made us simultaneously combust as soon as we came within 10 feet of each other

We had an understanding that made served as the basic understanding for the monument which was our relationship

And that was why despite it all,

Despite all the fighting and the drifting apart 

There was an intricate and unexplainable bond that threatened to make us the new age Romeo and Juliet. 
Except now we don’t die 

Now we live forever 

Our story serving as the guiding light for those who come after us for generations to come. 
—–

fin. 

Daemonia Part I


Everyone knows that the first thing to do when playing a game is to run through the tutorial
Familiarize yourself with game play, the bad guys, the allies, the cheat codes and all
Now in the midst of this process, there is always someone who always skips the tutorials and somehow crushes the game.
I am talking pick up the pad one time and beat all existing high scores.
Those are the players.
And at the other end of that scale, there are the people that never learn the game.
No matter how many times they play the tutorial, they cannot seem too excel at the game. The game always crushes them and leaves them gasping for air.
These are the good guys.

While every other person falls within the spectrum.
Some learn with the tutorial whilst others just make get better over time.
But eventually they are better off than the good guys.

Now back to our two main classes of people
The good guys never get better.
Just when they think they are getting a hold on the system, due to the actions of the players the game is modified and new rules are put in place.
They strive some more and as they are about to grasp the system and get unto the score board the game is modified.

Now this goes on till the good guys lose all interest in the game.
The good guys stay up at 1am because all they want is to get a high score they will be so proud of.
But these players would not let them.

All I want is to love someone.
Cherish them.
And tell them they have amazing brows.

Not listening to a playlist that prevents rents my focus into several pieces
#NoToPlayers #GoodGuysDeserveLoveToo

Throwback post

When i wrote this, several people did not understand it. I have tried to re write it several times but i keep on messing up the dynamic so i decided to upload it anyway. If you do NOT understand the post, please leave a comment below. Thank you!


And the world stood still

Not because she wore bum shorts

Or had contacts that made her eyes pop

Not because her Dr. 90210 breasts were on display for the world to see



And her continent stood still

Because she brought pride to them

And the dreams and wishes of generations that went long before her finally came to pass

Because she became a symbol

A beacon to the little ones who had a long way to go

And to her peers who had become a slave to the system



And the Country stood still

Not because she smoked weed

Or jumped fence to go and see oga

Not because she lived a dual life just because of society

Or had 10 boyfriends to live a life that wasn’t truly hers



And her family stood still

Because she was the one who broke the deadlock

And she made her mother cry because she knows that she didn’t labour in vain

Because her dad knows that calling her Nwanyi Oma wasn’t just a name that came off his head

And her brother now knows that he too can fly



And my heart stood still

Not because she was dressed in the finest garments

But because her mind was pure and kind

And her smile was worth a million times whatever dowry I paid

Because it was at peace

My heart stood still

Because she finally made me feel complete.

My heart stood still



And she stood still

Because she knew she made her parents proud

Because she had found her king

……………

About.

Why do you write ?

You are so not your write up’s

OMG, you wrote that ?


The last few days have been filled with statements very similar to that. Ordinarily I would not be bothered because personally I enjoy it when people misread me. It affords me the chance to see the face they have on when I change their opinions about me. But enough about that.

Ayola Oni.

Growing up, I always had a soft side. I remember getting caned regularly because I just hated to see my siblings cry. And I lived for Enid Blyton. Oh bless her soul, she opened up a world for me that served as an escape route for when the belt lashes were too much or when I had a tough time in class.

Fast forward a couple of years and I became this full grown person with old school values. Candle light dates and cruises were the subjects of my thinking process. You see, I was naïve. I assumed life was fair and love was painless. All I wanted was to find she. But you see life has this funny way of teaching us the lessons we need to learn and not the one’s we want to learn. I spent the last year recovering from a love gone bad and I learned valuable lessons and became a different person all together. But then, something was still constant I was still a prey to these emotions that had cause me so much hurt in the last year.

And that singular fact scared me. I had been there. I had felt the pain. I had the knife plunged into my chest and left there. The painful part is not the part when the knife goes In, it is actually when you have to take it out (basically when you have to rebuild without the one who was actually supposed to be there). And you heal and you build up a wall, the whole cliché stuff, yadiiii yadaaaa

But as I realised, I couldn’t ignore those emotions. They are a vital part of the man I am. They form the basis for my decisions, my actions and my write ups. And to those who wonder why I do not post often, it is simple. I write off my emotions, I write so whoever is reading it can tell the state I am in just after the second line and so far it seems to be working.

So yes I write, yes I am like this and yes I wrote this.


King Oni

Lessons from: Beauty & the Beast

For who could ever learn to love a Beast?


Those who know me know I love cartoons a lot. Couple that with my always present emotional side and you have me sold. I settled down to watch beauty and the Beast (1991 Disney classic) with my baby cousin and I was captured. I had watched about 15 minutes of the movie and PHCN struck smh. I then proceeded to download the movie and it was worth every Mb. Listed below are the lessons learned from the movie.

– Sacrifice

Lesson one ladies and gentlemen. In a world where everyone is looking out for just themselves, it is important not to overlook this lesson. Love is not selfish. And no sacrifice goes unrewarded.

– Be Humble

Ah, this applies to most guys out there. There is no shame in humbling yourself once in a while. Not to talk of with your lady. She is supposed to be the one you share things with. Do not let walls come up because of pride. Look at the Beast, he made the first move and we all know how that turned out.

– Do not bottle in emotions. They may expire and begin to stink

You are upset with your woman? Let her know, she didn’t put enough salt in the rice? Let her know. Keeping in emotions may lead to future and more severe fights. Take a cue from our role model Beast, he never stifled a roar and again look what that got him!

– Because at the end of the day, when it all comes down to it, who is going to rescue you from wolves that are about to tear you apart in the middle of the night?

Ladies, do not run away from the castle because he roars okay? There are wolves there and Beast may not always be around to save you and bring you back home. That also means because you had an argument doesn’t mean you should ring up your ex please. Don’t be childish. There are wolves everywhere.

– When getting her gifts, do not be cliché. Give her the keys to your library because she believes knowledge is power.

She may think the brand new Mercedes benz is too much for a gift. Know your partner, let your gift leave an indelible mark.  Even the Disney princes know that. That is why Cinderella did not get a grand library like Belle did. She got shinny shoees. Know your partner. Spoil your partner.

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– Spend quality time together; far away from your clock, candle and cutlery like friends:
Once in a while, disappear together. Leave your friends behind and get to know bae.

– The right music never hurt anyone.

Ah and always have your iPod stocked up with the right music. Don’t be playing Pasuma when all she wants to do is lay down and tell you all about her long day. Or be playing loyal when she says we need to talk. Feel free to email me for the right music.

– Ensure your squad is as dope as Lumiere and Cogsworth. They are the absolute beast-est (saw what i did there ?

For boys, half the time we miss out on an amazing woman because of our guys. Yes, half the time our guys are correct about them but the other half. The other half is magic! And that is what we should all have in our relationships. Magic. So clean out your squad. Let it reek of optimism and Lumiere swag. If you do not know what Lumiere swag is then you have to start reading this post all over.

SQUUUUA

– If you love someone you’ll let her go, bla bla bla

My favourite lesson, which also buttresses this quote by Richard Bach that says “If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they’re yours; if they don’t they never were”. SOMETIMES, NOT EVERYTIME BEFORE YOU PEOPLE SAY BUT AYOLA SAID. Sometimes space is good, I am a firm believer of the heart wants what the heart wants

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– The love of a good woman makes anything possible

Examples include giving you strength to fight back just when you are about to get impaled. Don’t underestimate the power of love. I bet that is what hulk runs on low-key.

– There is no greater feeling then when she puts her face into your palm and you tuck her hair into her ear.

Do I really need to explain how amazing this feels? Combine this with the right music and may just recreate the movie.

– I love you sounds better when whispered

Hey, I love you

I hope you understand that now.

And finally.

Ladies, Please Kick against Gaston.

Be Different

And he’ll come. Just make sure you are not married to Gaston before he does.


King Oni.